“Get off the road, you two wheeled fool.

You lot don’t pay your share.

The road’s for cars and trucks and buses.

No room for free-loaders there.”

I’ve heard that rant so many times,

And always dodged the fray.

But I agree with what they want.

Bike Rego for all, I say.

Bicycles, we must take our place,

As legitimate road users.

We’ll show them we belong here.

No more tight-fisted excuses.

The Rego burden should be shared,

By all who use the road.

So I’ve got a proposition,

To share the financial load.

Our roads are worn and torn and holed,

By burdens that they bear,

So bill each vehicle by its weight.

I’ll gladly pay my share.

My bike weighs just eight kilos.

So I’d be keen to foot the bill,

For potholes my eight kilos cause.

And wait – I’ll do more still.

Big vehicles need more road space.

So expensive just to build.

I’ve measured across my handlebars.

And I’ll pay for the space I’ve filled.

And in pursuit of equity,

And to get a bigger road fund,

I’ll pay more if my handlebars,

Take up less room than my bum.

Car rego helps offset the cost

Of nasty smelly emissions.

So Bike Rego should pay for my impact

On environmental conditions.

My frame is made of carbon,

So with a method tried and tested,

I’ll claim a little rebate,

For the carbon it’s sequestered.

But I could pay a surcharge

On other things as well.

Such as my toxic outputs

Fuelled by sports drinks, bars and gels.

Or a sweat tax, or a swear tax

Or a fee for laboured breathing.

Surely extra should be paid

For the added oxygen I am receiving.

So I’ve entered all the data

To arrive at an equitable fee.

The user-pays system for all road users,

With bike rego for Two Dollars Ninety Three.

Thanks for your consideration,

And to share my road user views,

Join me in my next great quest

To register sandshoes.